Stay at Home, DAD?
In many circles and even a few corporate environments with a casual work environment there is a trend of people making a shift toward life at home. SAHM (stay at home moms) are often being introduced to stay at home dads (SAHD). In most cases, the man is coming home to work in a home office or maybe in the garage.
My friend recently quit his day job to work from home. Yesterday he asked me, “We’re having a hard time getting settled… was it difficult for you or your wife to get used to having you home?” Good question! He went on to say, “Basically, I’m upsetting the normal schedule my wife used to have.”
When I began to work from home it was a big deal for my wife and kids. But in some way the shift toward home really threw a curve ball at my wife. My response is, “Taking care of your wife will need to be your top priority.”
The truth is that we have got into struggles over my new work arrangements, because me wife needs me to follow through with even the smallest commitment, and sometimes I fail or forget. During the day she may pop into my office with a question and I respond, “In a few minutes,” or “OK, later”; however, this does not fly. To take care of my wife’s needs I should commit to a time then follow up with my agreement. Also, I invite her to remind me (in a nice way) if I am not following up. When our interests at home seem to collide, I step back try to empathize with my wife, stepping out our my own shoes and into hers. When I blow a fuse it only makes things worse. Yeah, my work is important and I need to focus on getting things done, but what am I working for anyway?
For a while, my wife seemed to think that a normal pay schedule is better than not knowing when the money is coming in. So, I set up a weekly pay schedule for her to spend on food and household expenses. I try to be consistent, however as a business owner, predicting cash flow can be challenging.
My wife can support my efforts if I assure her that I am committed to supporting her needs in the area of spirituality, relationship, finances and emotions. It is my responsibility. If I perfom a 50% commitment level regarding her needs, she will be very unsettled and not know which way to turn. I realized that I should confess to her that my commitment is not 100%, make a commitment to change and then do it. Currently I define every commitment, even the tiny ones, with specific details; or, I ask to cancel any previous agreement that will not work out for the best.
My friend replied, “hmm… so how do you support her spiritually?”
She needs me to pray with her before I get to work in the home office. She also needs me to read the Bible with her. To find out what her needs are I had to ask, and I let her know that I want to be committed to her spiritual well-being as a leader and the head of our family. Most women will only follow this type of a husband’s leadership (in the Lord) by her own choice. She will need to know that her decision is safe and that she will not be let down.
Last month I attended a seminar by enjoyingmarriage.com The speaker taught that the responsibility for the marriage relationship belongs 90% to the man and the woman’s responsibility is 10% (her response to the leadership of her husband). The comparison was given of how Jesus Christ gave himself for mankind on the cross and many believers chose to follow Him. Previously, I thought the marriage relationship like a two-way highway. I was wrong, and as a husband I need to become a better person all the time.
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